To Sink or Swim? But a Happy Birthday Nonetheless...

Hi.

Things are upside down right now. My grandmother passed away this past Thanksgiving, and her memorial is a few days before Christmas. If there is one thing that I'd ask Santa Claus for - it would be to go to her memorial service in Oklahoma. However, I have jury duty, and because I've postponed it once for school; it looks dismal that I'll legally be allowed to leave the state.

It's my 21st birthday today. I have gotten up at 2am to study for a 7:30am final, hung out with one of my best friends for an hour or so, slept for four or five hours, watched tv online, and put off studying for my final tomorrow. Which, I will promptly do after this post, at least that's what I've been telling myself. The importance of everything is so backwards. All I know is that I will make it through one day at a time and take life as it comes. I just don't know anything else.

There is one more problem. I love him, but things are class 5 white water rapids at the moment. We've been pattling in opposite directions and I'm pretty sure we flipped the raft. The question is if we can get back in. He says hes holding his hand out - I just don't know if I'm close enough to the raft anymore to grab hold. Although I want to. I just don't want to drown fighting the tide.  And I'm exhausted. Sometimes you do too much to keep your head above water, believeing you can't breath under it. But maybe, just maybe, you can breathe in water.

It's sink or swim, but in the mean time, I could use a drink. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Sarah

Thanks

I was going write about something, and then I stopped for a second and thought about what my bible study has been discussing and my mind wandered to some of the things going on in the life of one of my closest friends. While it has absolutely nothing to do with me, I am constantly reminded about how strong, lets call her, Jamie, is. Jamie has not only brought sunshine into my life, but has encouraged and loved me, while her life has been drug through the mud. I will respect her privacy and omit details, but in her greatest time of need, all Jamie did was be there for me.

I know that Jamie knows that if she needs anything, I will be there. I know that she relies on me to be there physically to talk to and be with. I hope that I can support her with what she is dealing with in the appropriate way. Its on a scope that none of us have had to handle. In a unique way, I love you, Jamie. Whatever happens - I am right here. I got you. But also - Thank you. Thank you for reminding me of how I should be. Thank you for showing me that you can be strong and weak at the same time, and that you can rely on others. Thank you for giving me an example of how to be.

So, while I was going to direct a post toward certain people that have pissed me off, certain people all wrapped up in each other, I'd rather direct a post toward Jamie. Someone that I truly have to be thankful for.

Because I can't tell you directly - I'm telling you here - Thank you, Jamie. And I'm here for you. I got you. You and yours are in my prayers, and in the prayers of so many.

Happy (Early) Thanksgiving.

Sincerely,
Sarah

Naked Mole Rats and Relationships

A delicate beautiful paper flower was grown out of the best plot of soil in all the land. A sweet kind boy saw the flower and plucked it. He wanted to give it to the girl he held closest to his heart. She live a few miles away and journey wouldn't be easy. It would be rough and the flower was so very delicate. If he could get it there intact, however, it would prove his love for her. The winds blew, the rocks fell, the path grew steep, and still the boy pushed on. Months later, he arrived at the girls house and gave her the flower. She loved it and cared for it diligently. Together they were so happy. The girl knew the boy loved her and the boy knew the girl cared for his work and time and appreciated all his effort. Months passed. Then years. The two pressed on. The flower wilted, lost color; they watered it. It got better. Then some more time passed and the roots grew but the petals fell and the thing was no longer a flower but a shoot and some roots. Times were tough and the couple almost split up - but they perserved and relied on eachother some more. The roots grew a little deep. Some winds came along and clears the shoot to a little numb. The boy and girl never talked but held hands at the end of the day. Thier flower became a potato. A nourishing potato that sprouted a plant which flowered, however

A naked mole rat came and ate the whole thing.

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do.

:P

Glad that our flower was rock baby.

:-)

-S

READ AND CONSIDER!!

This is the monthly newsletter from my favorite tea store. Please consider helping keep it alive.

Thanks,
Sarah
________________________________________________________

New Mexico Tea Company has been open four years this November. Every summer is a challenge for a tea store in the desert, but this summer the economy and hot weather have finally caught up with us. As many of you have experienced, we are out of stock on half of our teas and products; there is simply no money to reorder more. This is a dangerous position to be in for a retail store. As we have less to sell, our revenue goes down, leaving less money to buy new things, which in turn results in even fewer sales. We need to break the cycle.

Background:

Normally we are able to save during the winter months (our busiest season) so that we have funds to carry us through the summer. However this past year we were operating the Tea Bar at a loss, and therefore now find ourselves up against a wall. Our day-to-day revenue is enough to pay all the bills, but not enough to order more tea. We are about to run out of tea, and if this happens the store will close. We need $5,000 to pay off our vendors and order more tea.

Whatever happens I will run the Tea Store until PNM turns off the electricity and the landlords kick us out for non-payment. But I hope that it does not come to that. I have conceived of a plan to get us through the next two months (our slowest time), and I need your help.

The Plan:

I believe in the power of micro-lending. I talked about it in a previous newsletter and encouraged everyone to use a site called Kiva to lend money to small businesses in third world countries. Now I am asking you to micro-lend money to New Mexico Tea Company. For the next week we are selling gift-cards that can be redeemed starting in December. If you buy a $50 gift card, it will be worth $55. A $100 gift card will be worth $115. We are using PayPal so that if we do not get enough investment to stay open this summer, we can issue a full refund to you. Once purchased I will e-mail you the gift certificate to print out.

I also want to give some of our customers the opportunity to lend a larger amount of money as a pure cash investment. You can lend $500 or $1000 for a 10% return paid back in six payments from December to May. Again, if we don't make it through the summer, then you would get a refund for the full amount of the loan.

Finally, we are starting an exclusive Tea Club. It will cost $10 per month to be a member. Membership entitles you to receive two ounces of a special tea we do not sell in the store every month. You will also have access to our VIP room upstairs (starting in August) which will be stocked with our most interesting teas and tea gadgets. Membership will allow you to make yourself a cup of tea and use our Wi-fi, chat with other tea drinkers, or read a book in the serene comfort of the tea store.

Conclusion:

Last month I was able to go to China because 16 people bought our China Tea Package before I left. Without their kind investment I would not have been able to make the trip. We are now in a real pickle; however, I will be able to keep supplying the best tea to Albuquerque with the help of similar investments. I am hoping you have enough faith in me and the store to invest your money with us.

Thank you,
David Edwards
President - NM Tea Co. Inc.
Office: 505-962-2137 Cell: 505-730-6501

1131 Mountain Rd. NW STE 2
Albuquerque, NM 87102

Today I felt Thousands of Dollars Lighter

Have you ever know something was going to happen, but you didn't really believe it? Then that something does happen and you can only respond with pure shock. Well, that happened to me today.

Last semester I went through a difficult time trying to get out of a bad living situation. My grades unfortunately suffered and, combined with a very difficult school schedule, I did not come out unscathed. My GPA for the semester was a 3.47 and my credit hours totaled 14 (I had to drop a class). This looks awesome considering everything, but not exactly awesome to my university, which requires a 3.50 GPA and 15 credit hours each semester to consider me worthy enough to fund.

Thus I lost my scholarship - at least for now. I'm going to appeal and petition and fight, but as of right now the official record says CANCELLED (in all caps - this is verbatum) and I feel as though someone has stamped that phrase in red over my future plans.

A lack of scholarship means I will be living at home with my parents through the year. This is not exactly what I wanted, especially when I won't be saving any money - I'll just be working with what I've got. Regardless, this situation is 1000 times better than the last.

And did I mention my family might be moving - to a house they've decided to buy, only continginet on the sale of our house by September 1st. Who knows really where we'll be or when. All I know is that my stuff is still in storage and I miss my sweet smelling candles and my printer and my mugs and, well, you get the picture.

Going through a tough time,
Sarah

Cut the ****! Getting Down with What's Worth Reading on the Web

Hey all,

So if you haven't seen Time's article, the Best Blogs of 2010, here's a few that'll make you're life better:

Cake Wrecks - www.cakewrecks.com
       Professional cakes gone...awesome?

The Consumerist - http://consumerist.com/
      A blog about the stuff we buy and use, and well, other things too.

FAIL Blog - http://failblog.org/
     Great for laughs!

Apartment Therapy - http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/
     Everything apartment living. Ladies will LOVE it!

and of course, the ultimate paparatzi site for office boredom,

Perez Hilton - http://perezhilton.com/

This is an ode to the blogs tht people actually read and love.
As for Sarah Buterblog - you can see the renovations and please feed the fish.

Hopefully bringing you more ways to improve your life (and mine) soon.

Sincerely,
Sarah

HAPPY  INDEPENDENCE DAY, USA! Its your birthday, you're 234!

TSP (Whatever): Being Ill (Repost)

She laid in bed at her parents house without the will to move.


"Uhh..."

She coughed violently spewing mucus all over the pretty silk comforter that her mother had redecorated with. She couldn't remember when her old comforter and furnature was replaced by the black and cherrywood set her parents used to have in their bedroom. It must have happened when she moved out and into the dorms. It was so long ago.

She was sick, and not the allergies gone wild sick, the I-should-be-dead-due-to-natural-selection sick. Her chest was on fire, her throat closed so that she couldn't breath, and her nose raw and sore from being wiped. That's exactly what she was - wiped.

She remembers all the dreams that she had only a few years ago - all the things that she wanted to accomplish. They all have conveniently passed her by.

"I'm almost 21 and I can't even get out of bed to get myself a cup of tea. What's worse - I don't even want a cup of tea."

Her cell phone rang. It was him.

"Hey Babe."

"I feel like dying, how're papers and finals going?

"Awesome. You still want to do the beach trip?"

"Right, I forgot about the new job - that's so awesome. I don't start until the 24th. Yeah, maybe I'll go by myself. Got to get through finals though. One to go."

"Love you too. Bye."

The last thing she wanted was to drive to the beach by herself. There were so many more important things. His new job, her best friend coming back into town, the need to finish up the semester, and of course, signing off her old lease and finding a new place.

It just seemed that the week before she started her job was her only chance to relax. It also looked like whatever she did she wasn't going to feel up to traveling. There was also the problem of finding someone to go with her.

Why couldn't she just sleep and have awesome dreams like Meghan? Dreams that told her how she felt about her family and her relationships and her life?

Instead she woke up believing that she went to the grocery store and acquired a pet Chilean condor. How exactly was that supposed to help her decide what to do?

She drifted off to sleep, yet again.
Naming my pet house bunny (when I get a place and have get one) Chilean condor. Con for short.

Goodnight,

Sarah

A Story from My Dear Friend Meghan:

“Saaaaaraaaaah!!!” I called loudly at her apartment door, leaning against the security gate.


“She has a doorbell, you know.” Jasmine depressed the little button, causing a bell to ring somewhere inside.

“I prefer this method.” I gathered my lungs for another call, but before I could the apartment door opened releasing Sarah and her boyfriend Casey.

We were going to the movies. It was kind of an everyday thing, but the whole group plus sig ots (significant others) was showing up for this one, so tension levels were high. Sarah pushed open the gate and we walked to pile into my car. I eyed Sarah’s pale and sweating face.

“Sarah, are you okay?” Maybe it was just nerves? But it wasn’t that stressful of a situation…

“I’m fine,” She said, fanning strands of hair away from her face, “We were making aspirin in my chem class and I tried some this morning, I just feel a little sick.”

I blew out my cheeks and flipped through radio channels as I drove. Meh, it was probably nothing.



We got to the theatre where we met up with Doug, Abe, and Molly. Jasmine and I kissed Doug (to the confused looks of those around us). Sarah was eyeing the snack bar in a visciouse manner, so the rest of us left her and Casey to buy food while we got seats. The show had already started, so we filed quietly into a front row; neck craning sucked, but at least we could sit together. After a few minutes Sarah and Casey slipped in next to us. Sarah passed me a gummy worm and I licked the sugar that came with off my fingers. She and Jasmine leaned their heads on my shoulders and I leaned back happily to watch the movie. Sometime during the first gun fight, Sarah’s breath buzzed in my ear and I froze involuntarily at the sensation.

“You smell good.” She said as her nose barely traced the skin of my neck.

“Thank you?”

“I mean, really good, like…” She caught my wide eyed stare and pulled back with an embarrassed squeal, “I’m so sorry! I’m just so hungry.”

I laughed quietly, “It’s okay, eat candy please, not me.”

I turned my attention back to the movie and tried to understand what twists of the plot I hadn’t been paying attention to. I had just absorbed enough of the plot to realize the plot sucked when I heard sucking noises next to me. Really? I know the movie is bad but must we make out like rabid teenagers? I answered myself easily; yes, yes we should. I traced my fingers along Jasmine’s leg and kissed her cheek. Grinning, she turned to face me but as she turned her face froze and she made strangled, horrified noises. I stopped what I was doing and frowned at her, only to follow her gaze over my shoulder to Sarah. The bottom half of her face was painted in something dark that dripped down her neck and chest. Her hands shone darkly with the same stuff, but what was far more horrifying was Casey writhing in her lap. His lips and nose were gone, and from the strangled noises that he was making I’d say that the stumpy root protruding from his mouth wasn’t a whole tongue. His eyes rolled wildly in his head and his hands groped for something. In his pain he tore at Sarah’s hair and clothes but she didn’t seem to notice, she just bowed her head to the frantic pulse thumping in his throat.

“FUCK! HOLYFUCKINGSHIT—“ The stream of curses flew unbidden from my mouth as I scrambled over the seats in front of me faster than I’ve ever scrambled before. Yes, I should have been quieter, but I’d like to see you remain quiet in that situation. Jasmine scrambled right after me (possibly a few steps ahead) while Doug, Abe, and Molly, who had been sheltered from the sight by our bodies and the loud action noises of the movie, gaped. Sarah turned from her meal and focused white fogged eyes on them. It was the gut wrenching moan escaping her lips that caused Doug and Abe to spring into action, dragging Molly over the chairs with them. However they were too late to escape Sarah’s lunge and she fastened onto Molly’s ankle. Abe screamed in rage as Sarah shook his girlfriend’s ankle in her mouth like a puppy with a bone. He grabbed Sarah by the neck and tore her from Molly’s leg, hissing as she tore into his arm with her nails and gnawed on his knuckles. He heaved her away from him, into the crowd of fleeing movie-goers. Ignoring his bleeding fingers he knelt over Molly’s leg.

“Is she what I think she is?” He asked Doug quietly.

Doug looked into his eyes with horror. Abe clasped his hand and thumped his back, grinning.

“Well, it’s been fun.” He knelt by Molly again and kissed her forehead while she ground her teeth against the pain. Then he slid his fingers gently around her jaw and snapped her neck. He lay her down on the cold floor then turned to the crowds of bystanders that Sarah was savaging while we looked on in horror.

“Abe--!”

“Might as well go out with a bang.” He murmured quietly. And before we could stop him he was launching himself over the seats towards the violence.

“LEAVE!!” he called across the room as he seized the arms of a huge black man with half his face missing.

We hesitated; spellbound in the horror of the moment, but then another rattling gasp choked out from where we had been sitting as Casey clawed his way over the seats. Now we wanted to run. But as all my muscles screamed at me to flee licked my lips and stared at the strap of my purse hanging over my chair. I needed my car keys. Without stopping to think about it I tore towards the seats, feeling the relief of the purse in my hand and no jaws closing on my body parts. I slung it over my shoulder as I ran towards the glowing exit sign and the door that Doug held open for me. The door had just swung shut behind us when a gunshot tore through the late night air. We spun to see two cops pointing their quivering weapons at us. We tried to slowly edge away from the door we had just come through, but they were having none of it.

“Where you involved in the riot?” one of them asked.

We really needed to get out of here. Soon.

“No.” Doug said curtly, in his I-am-talking-to-authority voice.

Me, I just needed to get out of there, cops with guns were nothing compared to an army of the walking undead. My eyes rolled wildly in my head and I edged further from the door.

“Stop moving.” I was ordered. It was finally too much tension for me to take and tears flooded down my cheeks. Normally my body’s reaction to emotionally tense situations was beyond irritating, but now I would use anything I had.

“They’re in there!” I sobbed, waving at the exit door, “They have guns, knives, bombs, help us!” Maybe the bombs were a bit much, but one of the cops edged towards the door while the other kept his gun on us. We waited for the angry moans that inevitably came from the room followed by the policeman’s subsequent cursing and gun firing to make a break for it. But as we tore across the parking lot bullets ripped the air around us, as the panicked cop shot at the wrong people. Doug went down with a groan and blood dripping down his leg. I started to turn back but he rolled between rows of cars and yelled at me to bring the car back.

“Where’s the car, where’s the car…” I murmured hysterically under my breathe as I eyed the massive parking lot.

“You lost the car!?” Jasmine screamed at me as we ran.

“I did not lose it, I parked somewhere in this row!” I screamed back, “Or maybe that one. No, it’s that one!” I beeped open my long lost vehicle and we both jumped inside. Miraculously I didn’t hit any other vehicles as I peeled out of the parking space and zoomed towards Doug. Jasmine helped drag him into the backseat just as the undead movie watchers began making their way out of the theatre and into the streets. Jasmine wiped a hand across her forehead, streaking Doug’s blood across her face.

“The bullet’s too deep; it’ll probably have to come off.”

I clenched my jaw as I turned onto the freeway;

we were alive, but barely.


-Meghan

Posted by The Fearsome Fivesome

TSP (The Sarah Project) 47: Back to the Basics

Okay, so this blog used to be about interesting things and discussions, and I've strayed quite a bit from that in the past few months, favoring rants at life to aleviate stress. So here's to going back to the basics:

Did you eat you blueberries? Seriously, it must have been 20 posts ago when I championed the antioxidant properties of blueberries. Here's your personal check up from Sarah! Go eat them. (They are amazing in cereal.)

A word of wisedom on knowing your limits:

I dropped a class today. I was only taking 17 credit hours this semester but I overestimated my own abilities to function under a very demanding courseload - OChem 2, Ecology and Evolution, and Ordinary Differential Equations were the hardest, so in order to keep my sanity, I withdrew passing from the math course.
Anyone else have difficulties understanding their limits? What is working TOO hard? And how do you know that you are?

So for a healthy lifestyle an adult human needs between 6-10 hours of sleep depending on the individual and their age. Suprisingly adolescents and young adults need more sleep than children and the 50 plus-ers.
So sign one that you are overworking - lack of an appropriate amount of sleep and stable sleep schedule.
Sign two - you compromise time usually devoted to family or loved ones in order to accomplise work or school tasks.
Sign three - house-cleaning, car maintenence, and day-to-day tasks are being neglected.
Sign four - you feel like crap.

With any of these its time to reconsider your workload.

More to come, I hope,
Sincerely,
Sarah

Old Prose that I Dug Up

She woke up with a start.

"Where the hell am I?"

The comforter around her was black and warm. The room was messy and dim-lit, from the window on the left. It must have been very early in the morning.

"Shit."

She thought, as she felt the dryness in the back of her throat, as her head pounded hard and loud on the inside of her head.

I did it again.

The realization hit her, as she noted the unfamiliar man behind her.

She steadied her breathing, quietly, as was the practice when she found herself in these situations. Early on, she may have flipped out, woke him up, not recognized herself. Now, the new her was quite apt at handling these types of situations.

"First things, first."

She whispered, as she scanned the room for clues as to where she was and who she was with. It was a small room, laundry scattered about the floor, a guitar ominously propped up against one wall. "The band…," she realized, as a glimpse of the night before slid back into her memory.

A man with wild curly dark brown hair, in a button-up up shirt and washed out jeans, met her glance as she seductively swayed her hips to the thundering beat. As she followed his motion, he sauntered up to the empty set, and joined the band that was beginning to play. They smiled at each other as he began to strum his guitar and sing. Quite a bit buzzed, she bit her lower lip, maintaining his gaze and stepped forward into the crowd...

She knew that she didn't believe in true love. But she could not remember when that loss of faith had turned her into a slut. The drinking helped, she thought.

She eyed the room for her clothes, and noticed them strewn across the floor. Silently she slid out of the bed, and pulled on her pants. She didn't know why she always left her underwear. It just always seemed not hers, this early in the morning, so tainted, so shameful. They belonged to someone else. As she pulled on her bra and shirt, he stirred. She froze. Then his snoring became prevalent again, and she sighed.

She just felt numb. Grabbing her keys and phone, she made sure that she didn't leave anything behind. Thank God. He had a bathroom attached to his room. She entered it, not noticing how filthy it was. The condom in the trash can was a good sign though.

She always preferred to leave this way. Sliding open the bathroom window, she managed to squeeze her small hips through the opening and pull herself out into the foggy residential street. She thanked God a second time - she was on the first floor.

Waiting until she was down the street and around the corner, out of sight of the house, she pulled out her phone. 12 missed calls, which were all from Lily. She dialed the number.

"God, pick up."

She never noticed the irony of this plea, but Lily always answered her phone. She began to cuss and scold violently, all the while the girl held her breath. "I know, I know, I'm sorry." She seemed to be saying this a lot lately. "Could you come pick me up? I'm at the intersection of Culture and Renaissance – by the McDonald’s."

Invariably, Lily always did, meeting her half-sister and best-friend wherever she was, to bring her back home.

So Frustrated

I'm so frustrated with people not understanding who I am. So upset. I have told them. I really have, but I am still so alone. No one has been where I have been or seen what I have seen and I mean that quite literally. In a world where children grow up in America with similar surroundings and experiences, I traveled around the globe, developed a different view and have thoughts that no one can guess or interpret. People think that I make the actions that I make because of some manner that they have rationalized in their brains with what they know. I don't smoke weed because I don't want to, not because I've passed any judgement on those who have or think that they use it as a crutch to deal with the world. I don't. They could just smoke it to smoke it. I just don't because I don't. This extends beyond simple reasonings. This extends to Simon thinking that I believe in God because my parents do, not because I have seen his miracles around the world and the breath of God in every living thing on the world. This extends to those who believe that I am environmental because I care about recycling and doing right - no rather I've seen the rainforest in Malaysia burnt to the ground for agriculture, for the shit we consume every single day. For the people who think that I cut every detail of what I feel into little pieces, that I worry to much about decisions that they think are normal or "not a big deal," they cannot look at my life through their eyes, because they do not know what its like to have this disorder this depression. Simply separating reality from my mind is difficult, is why I talk so much, is why I'm so open. Being in lock-down emotionally is what fed my sadness without reason. I have come to the conclusion that while a few people can understand, can see me just for who I am, they are not like me. I feel alone. However, I love them more than anyone else who cannot even see me. See me the way that I am, not the way that their littles minds must think that I feel or exist. Thank you for few of you that can see me. I'm sorry that you have a hard time feeling me. I'm different.
And for the rest of you. Just leave me alone. I'm tired of tryting to explain myself to you. Live your life and stop messing with mine. Or if you must try and understand, at least make an honest go of it. Don't just look for what you expect to see. Just look and see.
This is why I'm so incredibly lonely.
I am that different. Deal with it.
~Sarah

I've Lost My Mind

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. One minute I'm sad and tired and don't want to move and the next minute I'm chasing after someone that I already have. Don't you wish that someone could just come and hold  you while you laid listlessly in bed, kiss your forehead and tell you everything was going to be better? That they could fix it? Unfortunately, no one is in your head but you.
So today I cancelled plans with a friend because I am just feeling so crappy, mentally. Which is in itself transforming into a physical pain of sorts. I'm tired, headachey, and uninterested in everything. And I need to do homework. Ugh.

On that note,
Have a wonderful weekend,
Sarah

Its Been A Little While (TSP43)

Its Been A Little While
So long, it seems, between you and I
But the time is only gone
Are you, am I, that strong?
Have we not everything we need
and little of what our souls do heed
have we not a bloodlust for the other's throat,
Oh! to kiss yours and leave you love notes -
I hate, I want, I cry,
You are everything that I
need here.
Where are you,
my dear?

TSP 42: Leaving on A Jet Plane, Know Exactly When I'll be Back Again

Hey hey hey,

So I've been hanging out with the adorable boyfriend quite a bit over the last few days because I'm leaving today (actually sitting in the airport right now) to go visit my grandparents for two weeks. I've been looking forward to this trip all semester long. I love it up in WA and I love hanging out with my gramps and grams. Only sad part is that I'm going to miss home, my boyfriend, my family, and my friends. But I'll be back soon enough for them, and the break from everything is very very welcome.

Oh - there's the plane - got to get on it!

Ta Ta!

Sincerely,
Sarah

TSP 41: Took a Bit of A Break for the Holidays

Dear Readers,

I have come to the conclusion that 365 posts will take me considerably longer than 365 days. However, I am 100% fine with this truth, for I have never denied that I am both busy and a procrastinator. Busy meaning that the amount of stress and things that I fit into my day are more than I can handle on a usual basis. To be honest, I seem to have pushed more friends away than actually made friends - so in that department I'm not quite busy at all.

In high school I was busy in conventional terms - I shuffled school, extracurriculars, housework and taking care of my dog, and my friends, and a boyfriend, so much so that I got the reputation of being "busy." It stuck. So much so that everyone thinks that I simply do not have time for them and my life is crazy. This isn't true. Most of the time I'm lonely and missing the friends I used to have.  Living in this place for 6 years now, the most I've lived in any one place, has shown me that you can choose your friends. I find that around some people I'm still lonely, because everyone needs people in there life who can understand them and sometimes the people you are with simply don't. Some of them never will.

Thus, in this quest of self discovery, as I learn more about myself everyday, I'm also learning more about the people I need to have as friends and the discrepancies between my needs and what I have now. I need friends that aren't so cliquey in their relationships that they have time for me. I also realized that I used to be that way in my relationships and I've changed because I understand that if you lose a boyfriend you still have your friends only if you didn't lose them because of the boyfriend.

To say the least, break has been enlightening for me so far.

~Sarah