I'm at the University of Washington South Campus Center studying for Autumn Quarter finals. This week will encompass five of my very first finals as a doctoral student, and I'm staring out the window at the water, like a second grader daydreaming in math class.
Pharmacy school is way harder than I thought it would be. While I'm prepared, I do believe that it is the hardest thing I've ever tried to accomplish. My mother and I had a conversation a few days ago. It was about how I grew up defining myself by the success I had in school. When you get straight As and your family is proud of you, eventually you start to see yourself as the one that is good at school. Then you feel like you've failed if you do any less than Summa Cum Laude. I realized that my internal pressure to be perfect academically isn't exactly healthy. I don't want to be defined only for my academic success. I want to do well, but I also want to get better at ceramics, fall in love, make life long friends and keep them, and lose the stress weight. There is so much more to me than books.
So hence, while I haven't made as much progress figuring out who I am as I'd like, at least this week I figured out why.
And for your information, I am proud that I'm going to hold on to Bs this week. And that I can relax a bit and still succeed.
Anyone want to tell me how they define their success?
Sincerely,
Sarah Buterblog
P.S. As soon as I have a bit more time, I'm going to tell you about Jason. Jason is my boyfriend and he is a really sweet guy. Its been hard for me to admit that I'm excited to be with someone again. And that this relationship could last. It takes me a long time to tell him that I'm upset. It takes him about three minutes to fix it. More to come, I promise. - Sarah
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